Actual Conversations at My House: Dead… Dead… EXTRA Dead…

10Sep13

Watching “Sherlock” (Yes, again, shut up!) The Blind Banker this time, and we’re about to find out how Soo Lin Yao knows the killer:

SOO LIN: He came to my flat. He asked me to help him to track down something that was stolen.
JOHN: And you’ve no idea what it was?
SOO LIN: I refused to help.
JOHN (leaning forward): So you knew him well when you were living back in China?
(She nods.)
SOO LIN: Oh yes…

Chris: Oh yes… he was my father.

SOO LIN: … he was my brother.

Chris: (Still in SOO LIN voice): Close. They both end in… “ther”.

*****

Now, by the way, here’s a public service announcement: Don’t ever go to the movies with my husband. Or, in my case, do always go to the movies with my husband, because I am the same kind of jerk, the “that would never happen!” jerk. And yes, since you asked, YES, Tony Stark’s MIRACULOUS survival after launching himself into low orbit in the prototype Iron Man suit and landing hard enough to break the suit apart BUT NOT, apparently, hard enough to break his fragile human skull apart… YES, that IS my biggest problem with the story.

Chris LOVES to put words into characters’ mouths — this one was pretty tame, but let it not be said that there was ever a lewd misinterpretation or repulsive bodily function my husband couldn’t drop into the running dialog. I have, in fact, missed crucial plot points because my husband was saying “heh… heh heh… she said ‘duty’!”

Our favorite ruin-the-movie game, aside from “Spot the Wilhelm“, is called “Dead, Dead, EXTRA Dead”. It goes like this: HUGE explosion, ridiculously huge, big enough to take out the whole city. Our heroes are running (human speed record = 28 mph, Usain Bolt) and so yes, of course, safely escaping explosive velocity (always faster than the local speed of sound in the materials; speed of sound in dry air at 68 degrees = roughly 768 mph) but oh, dear, getting a little close so they DIVE away from the blast… KABLOOM! Cut to our heroes on the ground, coughing.

“Hey! That would never happen!” So we feel the need to point at various characters and name their fates based on how far away they were: “Dead… dead… EXTRA dead… maimed… traumatized…”

I understand that our running patter drives people insane — “Stop it! You’re ruining it! Just watch the movie!” It’s just one more reason we’re glad we found each other because no one else could stand it.

Unless you could…? In which case, come on over! We’ll have an Avengers film festival and a heated argument about Thor’s hammer and the “laws” of physics.

 

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