More Crazy Crap My Husband Wakes Himself Up Saying: “Chickens”


We’re watching The Fugitive. I should say, we have been watching The Fugitive for about 6 1/2 minutes, which is about as long as my husband can stand to watch anything before clickity click clicking and we watch something else for 6 1/2 minutes. I’ve learned some things about this situation: a) he genuinely enjoys the clicking, certainly more than watching 90% of the fine programming on offer, b)  if something is really important to me, I can make him stop, c) very little on television is that important to me.  

So, it’s only important that we’re watching The Fugitive because one of the characters is “Dr. Charles Nichols,” who has just been introduced at the awards banquet in the film. My husband replies (or so I think), “Chicken.” 

My first thought is that my husband knows something about the movie that I do not know, namely, that Dr. Charles Nichols nickname is “Chicken.” They sort of sound a little alike, right? Sort of? But, worth asking: 


He looks over at me. “Chicken?” 

Now, I have known this wonderful man for 33 years, since we were 12. We will have been together for 19 years, married for 16 years come June. We’ve been through more joys and sorrows together than I can even gesture at in a “Crazy Crap” post. And there are some things that even he, talented actor that he is, cannot hide from me. And one of those things is that he has absolutely no idea that he just said “chicken” because, although he was wide awake 6 1/2 minutes ago, he has since fallen dead asleep and dreamed… something. After 33 years, I know him too well to assume that it had anything to do with chickens. 

So I laughed at him. Because. 

“You just said ‘chicken’.” 

(He just rolls his eyes.) 

A bit later, he started laughing and said, “…now I can’t give it back to her!” 

Me: What?

He: GAH! It won’t make any sense! 

Me: And that has dissuaded me when? 

He: OK: A girl and some of her friends were waiting in the lobby of a hotel, and I had a string of loaves of bread that I was trailing in from the car through the automatic sliding glass doors. I knew she was waiting for her alligator, but I had left it in the car. (He clarifies:) It was, like, a big marshmallow alligator, it wasn’t horrifying, it was sort of cuddly. 

Me: Oh good.

He: And I was driving a subway car. 

Me: Of course.

He: So the doors shut on the string of loaves and it was sort of a “laugh or cry ” moment because I knew I couldn’t go back to the car to get her alligator for her. 

Me: Gotcha. And what was the last dream, when you said “chicken”? 


He: I said “chicken”? 


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