Parade’s End? Honourable PORN.

02Apr13

I am SHOCKED and APPALLED by the SMUT that HBO recently allowed into the living rooms of unsuspecting Americans: Tom Stoppard’s production of  Ford Madox Ford’s Parade’s End.

Did not kiss her. Because he is married.

And no, I’m not talking about the boobies — hell, if I had a body like Rebecca Hall’s I would never not be naked. 

I’m talking about Mr. Benedict Cumberbatch’s portrayal, therein, of Christopher Tietjens. 

Don’t get me wrong — I’m not blaming the guy. This could not possibly be his fault.

.

As a matter of fact, I’m willing to bet Benedict Cumberbatch One Million Pounds that he had no clue what a pornographic triumph his performance as Christopher Tietjens would be.

Why so cocky?

Well, if I win, one million pounds! Score!

If I lose, I’m still having a conversation with Benedict Cumberbatch about porn. Score!

.

But I’ll win. I’m positive he didn’t intend to inspire such shameless lust, because Benedict Cumberbatch has more respect for the character than to subject him to such degradation.

(Oh boy…)

Not only that, but as Mr. Tietjens himself said: “I stand for monogamy. And for chastity. And for not talking about it.”

(Thwack! Deb opens elaborate sandalwood fan to cool sudden glow.)

I mean, this is a man who waited five years and a whole World War even to speak of his love for a woman who was not his wife, although his wife was an immoral harpy.

(Oh, fidelity! Oh, respectful regard! Oh, baby!)

parades-end-hertzberg.jpg

Was sent back to the trenches because he assaulted an officer… a drunk officer who smashed into his wife’s bedroom. She may be an immoral harpy, but she’s still his wife.

 

In fact, Christopher Tietjens might just be…

The Last Honourable Man.

(oh…YESYESYES!!!)

Some women love The Bad Boy. Some women love The Whip-Smart Pain in the Ass. Some women love The Hero, The Shy Guy, The Underdog, The Good Husband. And representations of these are slung about hither, thither, and furthermore yon.

Less well known, and far more subtle, is the Last Honourable Man (spelt Brit-wise, in honor.) The man who can be relied upon to do right, especially when it is to his detriment. The man who will only do wrong in the service of unassailable elemental forces like The Greater Good. Justice. Love. The man who, surrounded by corruption on every side, is willing to stand as the last bastion of decency. Never underestimate the… not fetish, exactly, let’s say soft spot (oo-er!) some women have for the Last Honourable Man.

In the case of Christopher Tietjens, never has there been a Last Honourable Man so perfectly designed to make said women’s clothes fall off. You need insider information to hit all the erogenous zones on this one, so unless Mr. Cumberbatch got a checklist from a devotee, it had to be an accident. A happy, happy accident.

 

I stand in the fortunate position of Observer to this phenomenon by virtue of being happily married to… who? You guessed it, a Last Honourable Man. He’s so honourable that he doesn’t like it when I talk about how honourable he is. He says it embarrasses him because there are so many people far more honourable than he. I hated to break it to him: “Honey, that just makes you all the more honourable.” He had to throw in the towel: you can’t fight the honour!

My Observer status is further reinforced by Mr. Cumberbatch’s having announced to all and sundry that not only is he a randy little tart but that he wants babies, and lots of ’em, and soon. It’s a phallocentric universe over by him: the man could impregnate a woman by osmosis, I just know it. Having had all the babies I’m going to have, thank you very much, I prefer to keep a safe distance.

Besides, it isn’t about the actor. I’m sure he’s a lovely person and all, but he isn’t…

Christopher Tietjens, Last Honourable Man.

(Sigh!)

Advertisements


No Responses Yet to “Parade’s End? Honourable PORN.”

  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: