Remember Ralph Macchio?


You do not have to! I mean, you will anyway, but you don’t have to bother dredging up his adorable features from memory because check this out:

Holy crap! This man is… wait for it… FORTY-EIGHT years old.

Here, look at this:


That is FREAKY! And entirely unfair, the little… big… arrgh! Whatever, it is NOT nice, when you are 47, to look the same way you looked when you were 19. Not nice. Not.

There’s a bit more soft focus to the 1980 one, and there’s definitely some mousse action happening there. His eyes have changed, now they look a bit more lived-in, which is not a bad thing. His lower lip a bit less full, his eyebrows a bit lighter (although I wouldn’t be too surprised if there was a bit of touching up on the first one.)

But the cheekbones! The nose! The shape of the chin! Identical. Bastard. If I didn’t know better, I’d suspect that somebody made an ill-advised deal with Drop John the Foller Man.

But I do know better. I do. Because this eternal youth thing has NOT been kind to the poor guy’s career. How do you cast a 47 year old man who looks 19? What, opposite a 19-year-old starlet? Creepy. Opposite a 47 year old starlet? Also creepy. I don’t think this would be something an actor would choose.

But I know this also because Ralph Macchio is a nice man, a fine upstanding citizen, a good father and husband… an all-around lovely guy. And how do I know this? Because here’s a recent “Funny or Die” contribution to film history. And anyone who could do this and clearly have such a good time doing it is just A-OK.

Sorry, Ralph. I’d love to think ill of you but… ooh, you’re just so adorable!

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